This week, get up close and personal with RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS sticksman
What’s your nickname and why?
“Chalker’ Smith. When my pool partner asked, ‘Where’s the chalk?’ I’d say, ‘Up my ass. I’d bend over and say. ‘Chalk me up!’.”
At school, were you a dunce or teacher’s pet?
“I wasn’t dumb but the teachers didn’t like me. I used to disrupt class”
What was your first shag like?
“It was with Jackie my girlfriend when I was 13. She lived five miles away and I used to walk all the way to her house, knowing I was going to get some action. I used to climb up the outside, sneaking past her mother’s window, get to her window and go in. It would be all cold outside, but her room was nice and warm. It was great!”
Who’s your best friend?
“My brother Brad, two years older than me. A good man.”
What’s the best pet you’re ever had?
“When I ran away from home when I was 15, I had a black Labrador mix dog called Bong. I was a bit of a stoner back then. He followed me the whole summer whilst I lived in cars and other people’s houses. When I came home my mother sent me to a Catholic boarding school. They kept the dog and shortened his name to Bo.’
Have you ever been arrested?
“Yes, in the middle of a highway at three in the morning. I was completely trashed with this girl and I just stopped in the middle of the highway, in a car. We got in trouble.”
What would you do if you weren’t a rock star?
“A worm farmer! I’d find them under rocks for fishing bait.”
How would you describe yourself on a blind date form?
“Short, fat and ugly. Likes to pick his nose, eat his boogies, scratch his ass, and do jokes like, ‘Pull my finger!”
What’s the most extravagant thing you’ve ever bought?
“I like watches. I’ve got Rolexes and stuff, but they are not that extravagant.”
Who’s gagging for a shaging?
Who’s gagging for a smacking?
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
“That would be a ‘fluffy’ on a porn set. The job lasted 30 seconds.”
When was the last time you called home?
“Last night. I call home every other day.”
What’s your most embarrassing moment?
“I played the national anthem at a game in Detroit all by myself. I had headphones on so I could hear the tape I was playing along to. I finished, got off the drum stool and ran over to shake the players’ hands. Unfortunately the headphones wire was still attached and I tripped over it and fell in front of 20.000 basketball fans.”
Who would you least like to see naked?
“Probably my mother.”
What’s the best rumour you’ve heard about yourself?
“That I was shagging Winona Ryder.”
What’s in your wallet right now?
“Pictures of my kids, money, credit cards. The usual shit.”
What’s your favourite joke?
“Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and says, ‘Does this taste funny to you.”
If you were marooned on a desert island without food, which member of the Chili Peppers would you eat first?
“Flea would keep me going. I can’t say why, but a certain part of him is very meaty”
Which Chili Peppers song, would you donate to a compilation album entitled ‘Crap Songs Of Our Time’?
“A cover of ‘Taking Care Of Business that we did with the guy from Cameo. You will never hear it!”
What’s your drug of choice?
“A bottle of Cape Red Cabernet wine, 1993. Please feel free to send me any, to those of you reading this!”
What does God look like?
“I don’t put a face on God. So he would probably look like Jimmy Hendrix.”
When you die, how do you want to go?
“Quick and easy. Probably in a bad motorbike accident.”