Pub Talk: Pulling up a stool and talking bollocks
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Hello sir. What are you drinking?
“I’m on the wagon at the moment so I’m staying away from the hard stuff. I like these Arnold Palmer drinks —half iced tea, half lemonade. Why are they called Arnold Palmers? I don’t know.”
If you’re not drinking, what vices do you have at the moment?
“I love to smoke cigarettes.”
Presumably in the old days you’d have been very excited about being here in South America…
Because surely it’s a chance to get a load of coke in.
“(Laughs) I hear there’s a lot of cocaine down here. I’m not a big coke guy. I like to drink. You can get big giant boulders of cocaine for $50 or something.
So no ‘krell’ for you, then?
“Krell! I haven’t heard that since f**king Motley Crue! Did you read that book, ‘The Dirt’? I was dying laughing when I read that.”
Did you ever read Dave Navarro’s book?
“No, it ain’t coming out.”
I read an early proof… “You did!? Have you got it with you? I really want to read it. Does it say anything bad about me?”
“Are you sure? We just played some shows with Dave, but when he was all f**ked-up I bailed out on the Spread project (Navarro’s ill-fated mid-’90s collaboration that never saw the light of day) because I couldn’t work with him anymore, he was out of his f**king mind! I was like, ‘Dude, you’ve got to kick it back a notch or 12’, you know? It’s all cool now, I love Dave. He’s a good guy.”
What do you look for in a barmaid?
“She’s got to be very efficient, ready to keep the glass full at all times. Tight trousers too, or a nice fitting skirt.”
Are women a weakness of yours?
“I like women… and they are a weakness. Anyway you said barmaid, not bartender! A bartender’s the same thing, though, especially if they wear a nice tight skirt…”
Are you a big porn fan?
“I have my moments. I like to watch it on TV sometimes. I’m not so into magazines, though.”
Is Chad Smith your real name?
“Yeah, of course.”
So Chad’s not short for anything, like Chadwick?
“No, it’s not Chadfrey or Chaddington or anything like that, just Chad. I’m named after one of my mom’s old boyfriends. My dad was cool with that.”
Do you ever wish you had a more rock ‘n’ roll name?
“I think my name’s pretty rock ‘n’ roll! Smith’s English, it’s pretty common, I know.’
Are you still living in the Hollywood Hills?
“Yeah, I have a very nice old Spanish house built in 1929, but from 1932 to 1936 Cary Grant lived there. And there’s pictures of him with Randolph Scott in my house, they lived there together.”
Cary Grant was pretty well-endowed, apparently.
“Yeah, and Randolph probably got to be the catcher. Cary was pitching and Randolph was catching, he was probably pretty sore. It’s a great house; I’m so happy I live there.”
Do you live there alone?
“Yeah, just me, myself and I.”
How’s your golf game?
“Shite. I played in Hawaii a bit the last time we were there. Terrible. It’s a game you’ve got to play all the time to get any good.”
Last time you were in Kerrang! (K! 911) we saw your arse…
“Oh God, sorry about that.”
Is that a picture you’re particularly proud of?
“(Laughs) No! It made me look like I’ve got a big ass too. You don’t want to see that.”
They say the camera can add 10 pounds.
“Yeah, and it’s all on my ass.”
Chad Smith was drinking at the Gran Melia Hotel Bar, Caracas, Venezuela.
Chad Smith’s five fave pub jukebox selections…
Montrose ‘Rock Candy’
Aerosmith ‘Walk This Way
Judas Priest ‘Living After Midnight’
Therapy? ‘Lonely Crying Only
Mars Volta ‘Concertina’